Recent reviews
Posted : 1 year, 2 months ago on 20 September 2008 06:04
(A review of EastEnders)
Well written?! Eastenders is the worst written piece of "television" in Britain, every time it is forced upon me I boil with anger because my license fee has been thrown away on this bull shit.
The characters are all mundane stereotypes of what a "Londoner" is meant to be like, there is always an awful message that they try to pass on through the stories, which is so blindingly obvious to someone with half a brain that it shouldn't need saying anyway, and its constant doom and gloom of epic proportions which is highly unrealistic.
If Dickens was alive now he would kill himself seeing how the English language is murdered on Eastenders every day. The plots and story lines are monotonous and predictable at every turn. This show is like reading The Sun, instead of reading real news, reading a porno instead of reading a novel. Its trash television at its utter WORST!
If you want to look at pathetic, banal, dirty, grotty, hideous and horrible creatures instead of actors and actresses then this is your kind of show. I prefer my television to have interesting plots, reflect real life if thats the kind of show it pretends to be, and have some continuity in it, instead of just forgetting the past and over writing history out of laziness.
I wish they would end this tripe once and for all, blow up the "Queen Vic" and rescue England from the tyranny of shit being forced upon it.
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Posted : 1 year, 2 months ago on 13 September 2008 08:20
(A review of Heavy Metal in Baghdad)
"We're in Baghdad, we are here to interview the only Iraqi heavy metal band; called Acrassicauda. We've been following them for 3 years and erm, we needed to check in on them and see if they are still alive. This is risky, its dangerous, people would say its really fucking stupid for us to be doing this, but, erm you know...Heavy Metal Rules!"
When I read about this documentary it intrigued me. It was described as a film about Iraq and how its youth have become disillusioned with living in a war torn country, and a how group of guys have formed their own heavy metal band to help themselves and their fans cope with the stresses of war.
Its not exactly a focus on the band Acrassicauda, but more of a focus on the band members views on their lives before, during and "after" the war, their daily struggles, and how they cope with the fact that bombs and gun fire can be heard almost all of the time (even whilst filming!). A lot of the film focuses on a brief look around Baghdad, and all the fear and paranoia the city holds, as nobody can be seen collaborating with Americans for fear of being killed by insurgents, and no one can be seen collaborating with insurgents for fear of being killed by Americans! The Iraqi people are stuck between a rock and a hard place, just getting on with it in the hope they aren't the next to blow up.
There are some deeply philosophical views given by the guys they talk to, how they feel about their lives. Living in Baghdad they are hopeless, at zero but at least they have their families. When they are then forced to become refugees in a neighboring country it feels like going beneath zero because there they have no-one but themselves. The fact it is all real, and actually happening makes the story hit home all the more. These guys are not paid actors portraying the lives of people, they are the people and they are sharing their views on what is going on. They don't have "a side" they are not terrorists or rebels or freedom fighters. They are just 4 guys who want to "rock" and spend their days working, listening to Metallica and raising their families.
Watching this I realized how ignorant I am to immigrants and refugees. Firstly I expected Iraqi people to be very much different from English people. I was surprised to see one of the members waring an Iron Maiden T-shirt, another waring a Slipknot one. They spoke reasonably good English which they had learned from films/songs, and they dream of being able to grow long hair and beards like their band idols, something which would get them killed or jailed in the current Iraqi climate!
What struck home most was when they did move out of Iraq, they spoke of how the people in the new country didn't want them there. They understood why too, it was not because the country they fled to was full of horrible people, but because their country couldn't cope with the extra strain of more people. The Iraqi folk do not wish to make life harder for their neighbors but also do not wish to die in war torn Iraq. I found they are not able to gain passports which permit them transport into the EU or America easily, meaning their travel and freedom is severely limited. A young 19 year old fan was asking "Is it a crime to be from Iraq? I have never hurt anybody yet I am not allowed to fly anywhere or be free!" Whilst I understand WHY there are tight regulations, it was difficult not to feel for the innocent bystanders of this war.
I would recommend watching this if you have some spare time and fancy a change. Its not really a plot driven film, they are not aiming for any particular goal from start to finish, its just interviewing and exploring. The band is not the main focus, its the lives outside of the band that they talk about most. There is no "Everyday America kills 100000 Iraqis" its not a political film, its not trying to guilt Westerners into feeling sorry for Iraq. It is purely a film about some guys living in a hopeless place which is void of happiness, and talking about their love for music and their day to day grind.
I feel this was a really well edited and presented piece of work by the Canadians Eddy Moretti and Suroosh Alvi. It was a completely unusual time and place to be doing a documentary about music, I have no idea what inspired them, but it was well received at the 2007 Toronto International Film Festival and its a definite 7/10 for me I think!
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Posted : 1 year, 3 months ago on 15 August 2008 07:56
(A review of Chrono Trigger)
Chrono Trigger is a game that all true RPG fans MUST experience before they can consider themselves fully fledged in the genre as a whole. It is an epic game that spans all of time.
The characters in this game are brilliant, all fantastically written and cast, as they are all beings from separate periods in history. Their time frames run from 65,000,000 BC through to 2300 AD as does the plot of the game, where Cronos and his associates battle against the evil Lavos who seems hell bent on destroying existence.
They are not your regular generic characters either, there are the human characters, Crono, Marle and Lucca. Then there is the nobel knight "Frog" who used to be a man, but was turned into a Frog by Magus, another enemy of the gang. Another character is Robo, a robot from 2300AD and lastly Ayla the cave woman from 65,000,000 BC. They may sound a bit "silly" here, but trust me, the game is perfect and the characters are memorable.
Something which I specifically liked about this game, is the fact that you can firstly, complete it at several different stages, therefore giving the game a fresh alternative. Most RPG's force you to log at least x hours before you can complete it. Chrono Trigger says heck, if you can beat Lavos straight away DO IT! If you want to wait until the end, let the superb story unfold, WHY NOT? Its entirely your choice! There is the New Game + if you fancy trying out all the possible endings etc.
Another plus is the battle system, like most RPG's there are moves players can do, like Limit Breaks from Final Fantasy. However what sets this apart is the fact you can combine characters, Frog and Chrono can combine in an attack for example to cause more damage, or you could mix Robo into the mix and have all 3 do a move. Again you can mix and match depending on your party, and you get different results/moves depending on who you use.
There are a lot of sub-quests in this game, which means it has longevity. There are boxes littered throughout the game which you can not open the first time through, meaning if you are a perfectionist you are already certain to need to play it twice to get it all done. There are a lot of extras in the New Game + so it is well worth it.
Of course, playing this you are putting up with Super Nintendo quality graphics, and a quite old school feel. But that adds to the quality in my opinion, as this game doesn't rely on its looks, it relies on what it has inside. Musically it can boast being scored in part by Nobuo Uematsu, Final Fantasy legend. This in mind, it explains why some of the scenes are composed so magnificently, and how the mood is set precisely to how it should be. The sound is superb considering this is 1995 and the SNES is weaker than your average DS/PSP!
You wont be disappointed with this game, its easily available online as a ROM if you look for it too, which is how I discovered it, and now I consider myself a huge fan. I have just recently read it is due on the DS late 2008 early 2009, which means it is going straight on my Christmas list! I must own this game.
I definitely recommend this to all RPG fans, but also to retro gamers, and to anybody feeling like they lack a special game that they can cherish. If you own a DS then what better opportunity to see what i mean than now? With our hand held consoles becoming so advanced now days and companies releasing all their classics to a new audience, its prime time to be catching up on all you missed when you were younger/unborn.
Good luck, and Thank me when you're done :)
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Posted : 1 year, 3 months ago on 8 August 2008 09:47
(A review of Broken Boy Soldiers)
This album is one of those Cd's where you can't help but listen to it over and over and still find it just as interesting as the first time you listened to it.
Each song has its own unique style and mark within it, the lyrics are clever and random, Witty and also quite artistic in my opinion of course. When I heard Jack Whites other band, "The White Stripes" I felt he was a talentless reject who shouldn't be allowed to entertain people. It turns out that was all Megs fault, and he is in fact a brilliant and exceptional individual who turns all music into Gold (as long as Megs not around)
He is responsible for a lot of the talent within this gathering of musicians and he truly shines whilst working with them. The best songs on the album are by far Steady as she goes, Broken Boy Soldier and Intimate Secretary, which all highlight their magnificence. Of course all the songs are superb, but I felt I needed to pick 3 best, and it took a lot for me to pick those 3.
SASG is great because it is catchy, has a good beat. The lyrics are general to pretty much everybody. A person who reaches that age where they are no longer content with the single life, drinking and partying etc, and decides they want to settle down. Its kind of a song about acceptance of life, (I think) and that you need to take it steady and get what you can from it.
Hands, the second track is the perfect song for just lounging around with music on whilst your doing something trivial or simply relaxing. It is a simple song about how being with someone you love makes life better. Its about how each part of his girlfriend contributes to his life overall, and everything she does makes a difference to him.
Broken Boy Soldier - Numero 3. This song is completely different from the rest of the album, in style, vocals, speed, theme, everything. At face value I always take this song to be about young soldiers being sent to war who are essentially still children. When they fight they are men, when they aren't fighting they are boys. However it could also be about the leads wish to never grow older, remain the same person throughout his life and never change or sell out.
Intimate Secretary - one of my favorites on the album. This song goes back to the style of the other songs on the album, however it has the most obscure lyrics! "I have a rabbit that likes to hop" "I've got a girl and she likes to shop" "I had an uncle but he got shot" "I have a red Japanese tea pot" It seems to me the song is not meant to be understood exactly, although I have read it makes reference to the Freemason's in some way? The beat and the way the lyrics follow the same rhythm make this song memorable and a favorable track.
Together - This track is a typical love song, but with a message of compromise. I like the chorus to this song as it is a good message to anyone starting an adult relationship who is not ready to meld their way of life with another. There is some solid advice in this song, wether its intentional or not! There are also some nice lines and a bit of a mini story.
Level - Another break from the rest of the albums mode, only slightly this time, not in the scale of Broken Boy Soldier. This song makes me think of how Men and Women never understand each other. I dont think that is what it is about at all, but its always what springs to mind for me, I will never be able to truly understand my partner, and her me. It is more likely that this song is about something entirely different, but the lyrics are hardly in depth and intricate. The thing that makes this song special is the way it is delivered. The music is impeccable and more than one vocalist is used, creating an echo which I enjoy.
Store Bought Bones - This song starts with what reminds me of "Sonic the Hedgehog" when he is stuck under water for too long. The words to this song seem to be about longing to be one with a drug, needing a fix but being unable to find what he needs. "You cant buy what you, can't find" etc. It has some decent guitar work in it, but it is mainly a filler song really.
Yellow Sun - More of an upbeat tune here, a bit of a hippy song really. It seems like a song about somebody wanting to reveal his love for someone, but being too shy to do it. When they finally come around to do it, they find that they get laughed at and crushed, ruining their sunny disposition. I once read a different view, that this song was about someone trying to reveal they were a werewolf but being laughed at. Which would fit the rather odd background lines of "Your making me huuungrrrryyyy" and the mention of "Actions being dictated by the phase of the moon" Either way, great song.
Call it a Day - Seems to be a bit of a "I'm fed up and just want this to end" scenario between lovers having a fight. The rhythm has completely slowed during this song, the entire mood is a sad and drowsy one. Like a Goomba in the super Mario movie, I cant help but sway from side to side in my chair whilst listening to this.
Blue Veins - Great ending to the album, another slower track. It uses some backwards lyrics, which I once tried to listen to, but its mainly gibberish as far as I can recall. It sounds good forwards, and played backwards it sounds like a new song (not just a mish mash of noise like it should) so there is definitely something being run backwards on there, just no message for the fan who can.
Overall this album is a fantastic piece of work. Granted I don't truly know the meaning of half of the lyrics but that is a good thing surely? The fact it causes you to think about what is being said, and makes you want to know what he is singing about is a huge plus to me. In this review I may have presumed to much about songs being based on relationships, but at face value that is how they seem. I imagine that the depth to the songs reveal an entirely more sinister subplot that I have missed!
I recommend this band to, well, everyone! I can't really see what reasons people wouldn't like these for. They are different, and they have great style.
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Posted : 1 year, 3 months ago on 8 August 2008 08:43
(A review of Change)
When my partner asked me to download the latest Sugababes album I laughed at her, and didn't do it. She eventually did it herself, and living in the same house, I found myself forced into listening to it.
At first I did the default moan and groan, a mans place in the grand scheme is to frown upon the womans tastes and belittle their music choices until they refrain from displaying them with you around.
Unfortunately this did not go exactly to plan. The first song I was "subjected" to was "About You Now" (funnily enough, Track 1) The beat to it is fast and it is a song you can tap your foot too. I liked having it on whilst in the car, it felt like perfect driving music. Although I do not drive, so I shouldn't really be speculating on that!
The lyrics are catchy, I can enjoy singing along to it in my head, and have found myself singing out loud once or twice to it. These women don't seem to be your regular girl band, Spice girls they aint! It does make me laugh though that one of the singers is completely off key with the others, it seems intentional, and if I am singing along, I like aiming for her notes because she sounds so out of place in the whole song.
The next 3 songs in the album, I think I slipped into a coma or something, it is such a let down to start the album on something good, and then drop into obscurity for the next tracks. The album regains consciousness with its SUPERB song "Change"
I first heard this song when my nan died, im sad to say it made me cry! Mainly because of the line "Aint it funny when you think you've got your whole life planned, then you realize things will never be the same again" it felt so apt for the situation as my nan was the pillar of our entire family, the matriarch for 32 different people who would not be alive without her reproducing!
This song will always be important to me, purely because of the time when I heard it, and how it made me think about life in such a basic and two dimensional way. It helped me realize life is full of changes and that all you can do is roll with it, and cherish the moments that matter.
The next song is another good one which I definitely sing to in the car, "Back when" is a song about two people, friends or lovers, I dunno to be honest. Who no longer share the same bond they used to. It has lovely lyrics, and the harmonizing done by the sugababes is spot on. Their voices sound beautiful, and the lyrics are catchy throughout. The chorus is where they sound their best, and feeling them impress me has opened my mind to a whole different view on music which I had refused to accept out of a belief that "pop music must be a crime" These women have shown me that is simply not true, and obviously they would not be making millions of pounds if they were not talented women!!
The other 5 songs on the album are a mixture of filler and mediocre work. Creating 3 classics is pretty impressive in one album, considering artists like Oasis have managed less than 10 in an entire career! Couple the 3 on here with songs like Overload, Freak Like Me, Round Round, Too lost in you, Push the Button, to name but a few of their "known work" (Or at least songs I have heard of or recognize from British radio) these girls are extremely talented!
As usual, I recommend this group to anyone who is looking for something better than your regular cliche tripe like Britney or Christina. These girls are clever, and their songs are put together brilliantly.
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Posted : 1 year, 3 months ago on 7 August 2008 07:30
(A review of Walking Tall)
Walking Tall is such a yawn fest I couldn't believe I had forked out money to go and see this at release.
Dwayne Johnson played by "The Rock" is a "regular guy" who returns to his home town to discover a Casino has over run things, and the town is now a corrupt mess, with all the residents either throwing away their life savings in the casino, or working for the beast itself.
The message is dumbed down enough for you to understand. "Drugs, Gambling and Alcohol are bad" Why on earth are films still telling us this message?! We aren't stupid, its Global warming and recycling that are the mundane messages of the week now! I can only imagine that Walking Tall is aimed at the lowest common denominator, wrestling fans! Why else would you shove The Rock into the lead role? These guys and perhaps the people that think Smoking is important because it stops bugs getting in your throat, and lots of alcohol kills the bacteria in your belly making you clean.
The film loses any shred of credibility when it included machine guns and explosions in the mix, to up the adrenaline and get a few decent money shots for the commercials.
To save yourself any hassle in watching this film, The Rock becomes sheriff of his home town, and goes on a rampage clearing things up. He sorts out the casino, the drug dealers and the crooks, and everyone lives happily ever after.
The plot to this film could be written on the back of a soiled beer mat, but quite frankly it would be a waste of a perfectly good place to put your drink!
The Rock is not a bad actor, in fact since this film he has played some decent roles. But until he distances himself from such mundane roles as this, he cant expect not to be criticized. The acting is not the problem in this film, everyone does a solid job with the resources at hand. Everything else is the problem. Its just a poor story!!
I wouldn't recommend this film to anybody, unless you are a gambler, who takes drugs, smokes and drinks. But then you are such a bloody fool I don't care what you watch anyway, and you would probably never read this review because your too busy being a joke.
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Posted : 1 year, 3 months ago on 7 August 2008 05:57
(A review of Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult)
Naked Gun 33 1/3 has to be one of the funniest spoofs ever to be made. Only rivaled by perhaps Naked Gun, and Naked gun 2 1/2.
The best bits about these films are not the obvious in your face slap stick jokes as most people would think and feel at face value. (Such as punching the queen in the face) The real comedy is found in the script, the background happenings and the consistent jokes that are carried throughout the series. The humerus misunderstandings, the stake outs gone wrong. You never get the feeling of "i can see where this is going" its more of a "why the fuck did that happen?!"
It covers pretty much every base when it comes to comedy. If you don't like double entendres, you might like metaphors or irony. The way it is all set out you can appreciate this film at different ages in different ways. Its a family film, with adult jokes.
This series marks a time when Leslie Nielsen was still funny, a film with him in looked like it would be entertaining, instead of "one to miss!" This is a time when O.J Simpson was the lovable, and frightfully mis fortunate Nordberg and not an alleged murderer.
I recommend this film to anybody tired of lazy, cheesy comedies. People who are tired of Eddie Murphy releasing torrents of shite every year, ruining his profile with every breast joke he makes. Tired of Adam Sandler still being allowed to make the films Ben Stiller wont touch, and tired of "GENRE Movie" spoofs like "Date Movie" being forced into our lives.
God I wish they made films like this again!
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Posted : 1 year, 3 months ago on 7 August 2008 05:35
(A review of Ghostbusters)
This film is one of a select few which epitomizes the 80's entirely.
Ghostbusters is set in New York, as all films involving a city on the brink of disaster seemed to be back then. Your typical scenario, people start to see Ghosts, and 3 clever gentlemen (and their employee Winston) figure out a simple (but extremely scientific) way to make money from it.
Soon enough the men become heroes, vanquishing ghouls and ghosts throughout the city, until that is, they get more than they bargained for as an evil God is beginning to awaken from another dimension, and it is up to the Ghostbusters to stop it!
The script is full of hilarious gags, scenes and even the odd scary (ish) scenarios within it. Coupled with grade A acting from Murray, Aykroyd, Ramis (and Hudson) with Sigourney Weaver and Rick Moranis supporting them brilliantly. The casting was done to perfection, and I can not imagine anybody else being more suitable for the roles.
The story may sound a little bit corny from my description, but it is not at all. This is a classic! The special effects are dated, but at the same time the Ghosts look as good today as they did back then, and any attempt at CGI now would no doubt look awful. The music is extremely dated, but 80's goes in and out of fashion so much today it might be cool to hear, tomorrow maybe not so much?
The scale of this movie is huge when you think about it, films do not seem to feel as big as this any more, in the sense that when watching it I "feel" that New York is a BIG place, full of monsters. Where as in other films, "I am Legend" for example, New York feels like one mans back garden. This is a grand film well worth your time.
I recommend this movie to the younger generation. Mainly because I expect people 20+ (at least) to have grown up with the Ghostbusters, let alone having seen the film. Anyone who does not know who the Ghostbusters are, get down to your rental shop and borrow the box set. (I and II) Whilst you are there, get Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I II and III. These 5 films tell you everything you need to know about why back in the 80's superheros were way cooler.
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Posted : 1 year, 3 months ago on 7 August 2008 01:18
(A review of Falling Down)
I spent last night watching "Falling Down" as it was recommended to me by a friend of mine, as a film I must see. I read the back of the DVD case and instantly knew this film was going to be one I liked.
D-Fens just a regular guy, doing a job he thinks is "right" and doing all the "right things" in life suddenly snaps when he realizes the entire world is full of shit. Determined to put the world to rights he begins a rampage through LA, all the while just "trying to get home" but coming across more and more scenarios that just take the piss and push him that bit further over the edge.
His journey through the city is mirrored by the story of Detective Martin Prendergast who is just a shift away from retirement from the police force. He begins to piece together a series of events happening across the city, all connected by "a white guy, in a white shirt and tie"
Both stories have you sympathize with the characters woes, laughing at their situations and shocked by some of the more violent scenes. The stories eventually combine at a great ending, you are left blaming America for everything that happened, and for letting its people down.
This film has an excellent tale to it, great characters and a potent message. There are so many wrongs in the world it is surprising more men haven't gone the way of D-Fens.
As usual, I recommend this film. Mainly to people who like films with meaning, its not an action movie or such what. It is definitely a film worth watching.
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Posted : 1 year, 3 months ago on 30 July 2008 03:53
(A review of WALL-E)
When I said I was going to see Wall-E i was called a big kid, and laughed at! I ignored the response and I am glad I did.
It was a brilliant film, especially by Disneys standards, which made me laugh plenty of times.
It had a powerful message about waste and recycling and also about laziness and how we should look after ourselves and the planet. It didn't do this in an old fashioned lecturing way, it didn't even feature a single planeteer! But still the message was clear as day throughout the film, without actually being spoken.
The characters in this film were subtle and hilarious, they weren't thrown in your face and marketed at you ready for Christmas. There isn't anything I can think of in this film that is bad, where as normally you can expect a spin off, sequel or cheesy sing a long video to come later.
Disney have definitely excelled themselves in making this film, there is barely any script and it relies entirely on plot and animation. I was worried going in that it would just be a silent movie which would bore me, but it was extremely moving, and you weren't given the chance to notice there was not anything being said.
I cant wait to show this film to my kid in a few years, normally I cringe at Disney movies, but this is a classic.
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I recommend you watch Ip Man
I recommend you watch What Happens Between My Tits Stays Between My Tits
I recommend you play Command & Conquer 4: Tiberian Twilight
On the other hand if you want a sci-fi, deep thinker that's just plain awesome, I recommend the Ender Series (With Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow being the absolute best)
Want something so funny you can't stop laughing? Any P.G. Wodehouse book will do.
The Artemis Fowl Series; fantasy, action, comedy and a boy genius all rolled into one makes for a highly enjoyable read.
Last of all, you want a stupid, revolting, so utterly disgusting that you want to burn the book read? I suggest the Twilight series.
I recommend you watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop
I recommend you Sharky & George
I recommend you watch What Happens Between My Tits Stays Between My Tits
Looks like a great flickAlthough since your post was the last one in before the thread was locked I do hope I'm not incompentent loser your were referring to? :P